Coming Out - Depression
In January 2009, I was diagnosed with ADHD (subtype 2, predominantly inattentive). In November of 2013, at the age of 27, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder. I’m now 28, and I continue to strive to overcome my psychological impairments. I’ve been consistently seeking treatment for almost a year, with pharmaceutical treatment since November 2013, and cognitive behavioral therapy since July 2013.
They both help (especially therapy), but it’s still really hard. And I know I will have to live with these conditions for the rest of my life. But I can learn how to cope in healthy ways, and manage my conditions.
Sometimes, just appreciating the smell of fresh laundry (especially after not doing it for two months), and simple, pretty, pleasant things - is a major breakthrough. Feeling excitement, or really, anything at all - is a tremendous gift. And I try to enjoy it as best as I can.
It’s like you turn life off for a while, and when you come back to it, you think, ‘I’ve been missing out on so much…’. But it’s not up to you when to turn life on or off. But, it will be. With time. With better coping strategies that work for you. With a greater understanding of the complex being that you are. With self-love.
Long story short - if you think you’re at your end, that things can’t get worse…you might be right - they can’t get worse, but they sure as hell can get better. Acknowledge that you are feeling miserable, lonely, lost, hurt, afraid, dejected…perhaps some of these feelings are a result of how you’ve been treated. You have every right to feel that pain. It is not ok that you experienced trauma, but it IS ok that you are suffering because of it. Wear those pains as badges of honor. And please, wait just long enough to see the sun come up. If you think you can’t live anymore, imagine the feeling of overcoming that thought and finding relief, joy and comfort after the storm.
No matter how miserable you feel, just remember that your life is yours. Whatever restrictions and fears you have, for the most part, exist in you. You have power, choice and freedom. Exercise that freedom.
And know that there is someone - someone who may not know your name, or how bad you feel - who cares about your life. I care. And if you extend a hand, someone will grasp it.